Monday, May 20, 2013

nancy spots a whale and other tales - personal in nature......




(this is a repost about my last visit home. at the moment i'm up to my ass in children, planting the garden and greenhouse, making stuff for the farmer's markets  and getting cows ready to go to summer pasture...... jesus christ i'm tired)


my oh my, how time flies when your losing your mind. where to start - not the beginning - that's too obvious - not the end..... i think i'll not start at all, i'll just carry on. let's pretend in april i sighed somewhat dramatically, took a sip of tea and then looked pensively out the window for awhile. 

i went on an aeroplane. that practically ruined my entire summer. the anticipation of the crash. of whether i would ultimately sacrifice myself to save other passengers or in the flush of adrenalin i would toss them out in hopes of creating a soft pile to land on.

in the end i went and we did not crash. i hated every second of being on that plane. i sort of forgot about falling from the sky and instead found considerable issue with how uncomfortable i was, how confined and chubby if felt, how goddamn much a mini can of pringles cost, how long it was taking....

but then...
6 days in my mother's house. 6 days of sleeping on feather pillows that were created before WW2. 6 days of not eating any vegetables except canned peas. 6 days of laughing and laughing. 6 days of realizing i no longer belonged in this place. 6 days of soaking up the song of a people that is still my own. 6 days of my dear susan

i grew up among people who value the art of the telling over the art of the tale. which meant we thrived on the details. god how i miss that. i miss the sheer thrill of the tell. where facts are passed over for the more speculative approach. where judgements are passed before plots have unfolded. and to have 6 days of that wonder and recognizing yourself in the words and cadence of those around you is just to lovely for words.

during those 6 days i had use of my mother's car. firstly she said - "i would appreciate if you didn't go over 80km." i didn't see that restriction coming. that's the great thing about my mom - you can't predict her next move. her offensive game is just outstanding. mom had other rules regarding her 1991 ford focus. no driving after dark. no rough roads. no unlocked doors or windows left down. and under no circumstances was i to hit a deer. hmmm...

the first time i sat in the car. i said "ok little ford focus, you better keep your frigging mouth shut about the next 6 days or i'm going to slam your tiny, god damn ass into a deer." 

those 6 days were filled with immaturity and joy. my baby girl got to see humpback whales with here auntie sue. we ate clams and lobster and fish. we slept in the ancient lakelawn motel where we found blood, mysteriously smeared on the door and top sheet. we all had our theories and we felt delighted to have been assigned this family double. we found sea glass and iridescent blue plastic tampon holders on the beach. we picked apples and ate them unwashed. we sang filthy, dirty songs about sailors and german soldiers.

we had the time of our lives. but at times i looked in the face of my friend and found a happiness that i cannot find on my own.

bev

43 comments:

  1. This I love. Everything about it. The best thing I've read in days. Thank you.

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    Replies
    1. why thank you talya tate boerner, you made my day. xx

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  2. Beautifully written. Sometimes the things we dread end up making the best memories.

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    1. thank you lisa, when you relax and let go everything becomes fun. thanks so much for the kind words.

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  3. Your writing always sets me up for the day with a smile - thank Bev.

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    1. god em, i could kiss you on the mouth right now. thanks xx

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  4. I had to laugh at the ancient feather pillows and that poor Ford Focus. And speaking of filthy songs and German soldiers, that twigged a memory for me of the time in the mid-1980s when mixed-up German soldiers (stationed over here in some kind of international training program) mistook my parents' apartment for the whorehouse located in the next building. They pounded on the door to be let in and we were threatening to call the the police. Ah, special times with the family, yes.

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    1. now debra, that's a blog post in the making. those german soldiers are so pesky. remind me to tell you about being a teenage girl, the russian sailors and an astounding amount of volka. thanks

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  5. I adore your writing. It amazes me how you can write things that convey the very essence of feelings...and with incredible wit. I find myself saying "exactly" numerous times when I read your posts.

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    1. god, all this praise is making me dew up. thank you so much for your kind words and for visiting. maybe we're twins separated at birth???

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  6. Your final line is something that rings hard and true for me, at times, when visiting (or thinking of) places from my past. You captured this moment beautifully, Bev. And I'm so glad you didn't hit a deer ;)

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    1. dear anna, i tried to hit a deer, several times - they were everywhere. i thought i could wound one and take it home to mom.
      thanks so much for saying nice things. i have that feeling a lot when i go back to my home by the sea. xx

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    2. nice your site thanks for sharing love you all teme good work keep it up
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  7. I have stayed at that same motel too Bev. Know exactly where it is. Very near to where the judgements are pronounced before plots have unfolded. You make me smile!

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    1. good lord mark, were you in the next room making all that noise? was that your blood on the bathroom door? and yes that town is the gateway to judgement ville.

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  8. What a bloody great post so glad you had a good time and enjoyed the 6 days and didn't feel like it was a drag

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    1. what a bloody great gal you are! thanks so much for stopping by and visiting me. xoxo

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  9. Chills and a litle misty eyed. You are truly a Master Magician and I love you more every time I read your memories for it! *hugs*

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    1. ah sweetie, thank you. i'm virtually hugging you right now.

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  10. I find creative nourishment and inspiration in every word, every turn of phrase, every single moment I spend here reading your glorious writing. This was lovely from beginning to end. I'm so glad you reposted it.

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    1. jesus jayne, we're going to have to get married if you keep talking like that.
      honestly thanks so much, the fact that you like me you actually like me is a big thrill.

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  11. This is brilliant and I am so annoyed that I didn't live it first! :-) Loved it. Glad you did repost it.

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    1. thank you elizabeth cassidy. i glad you came to call.

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  12. Replies
    1. aah rossandra, yes they are a delight. thanks for visiting.

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  13. Hi Bev!
    Thanks for following us on GFC! you have a lovely blog :)

    xx
    www.samantha-ashley.com

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    1. hello you two, thanks for stopping by here. i appreciate your visit.

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  14. Bev, although your lack of capitalization drives me batty and the grammar Nazi in me wants to gouge my own eyes out as a result, I can't help but check in now and again for one of your stories.

    I find it fabulous that you were not grossed out by the blood in the hotel room, thusly giving the manager a nasty gnashing of teeth and demanding a different room and discount, but instead you were intrigued by the mystery. That makes me happy :)

    Carry on... in all lowercase... 'cause that's what you do.

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    1. well cindy, if someone would come over here and do all the capitaling for me, it would be done. otherwise thanks for your permission to carry on. i'm glad parts of it made you happy.
      thanks for coming to call.

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  15. You know Bev, your mother must have remembered what we did to her car when we were teenagers because I just went through her 6 rules of driving FF (Ford Focus)in my head and you-know-who breaks every single one with DC (Dodge Caravan) every day ... although, granted, he supposedly hit a porcupine and not a deer.... a big, BIG, porcupine with no needles by the
    looks of it.

    Oh and I'm the skinny witch :)

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    1. yes perhaps we did traumatize her a tad with our over zealous driving - and drinking and smoking and general carrying on. sorry they must be seared on cerebrum

      fine be the skinny one. but i'll leave more wake in my path.

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  18. I have tried (a few times) to comment but my computer is doing weird shiz. Now all of my witty banter is used up. Your pieces are consistently engaging, Bev ... no small feat. I was surprised by the poignant turn at the end of this one ... liked the honesty of it. All in all, lovely.

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  20. Wish you has been here today to join me sweating over my yard sale Bev. I heard a girl say it was just like Florida except for the stickiness. Can't understand why I didn't sell the wooden ironing board though.

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